I’ve been absent from here for six months. Sorry about that. I don’t have a good excuse for it. I suppose depression has been part of it.
I have no idea if I will keep this up or not, but for some reason this popped up in my brain for a change.
The past six months have been…challenging. Not just the stuff going on in the world, though that didn’t help either. I’ve just been…in not a great place most of the time.
I was thinking a bit tonight about how things have gone for me for like, the last 15 years or so. It’s mostly been bad. There have been good moments, but they are few and far between.
Tonight in particular, I was thinking about my web presence, I guess is the best way to say it. I started putting videos on YouTube close to ten years ago. I was blogging before that was even a word. But I’ve never been anything even close to popular. Or even seen, really. My best video had less than 100 views in 8 years. Almost no one has ever read what I wrote aside from a few people. I couldn’t even get my former spouses to take any sort of interest.
I restarted my YouTube channel a few months ago. The vast majority of my current videos have zero views. I have never understood that. Maybe it’s because I don’t scream like an idiot or act like I’m the best gamer that ever lived. Maybe I don’t know what I’m doing. Maybe I just suck. I wouldn’t be surprised at any of these.
I don’t expect or even want to be some super huge YT personality. But knowing that I’m doing all this for more than just keeping myself busy would be nice.
I still haven’t started streaming again yet. Mostly because I haven’t decided if it’s worth it or not. It wasn’t before, but maybe this time would be different. I would imagine probably not, however.
I’m not sure I even have a point right now beyond just venting some. I think that it’s time to head off to bed. My meds are kicking in and I should go lay down. Maybe I’ll actually remember to update this once in a while. We will see.